Planning a second wedding can be stressful. You have to draft a guest list, establish a budget and decide on the many details that go into a wedding.
You also have to consider etiquette concerns that don’t always come up in first marriages, like whether the bride should wear a white dress or veil and who should walk her down the aisle.
Incorporate your kids
Whether or not they have kids of their own, many second-time couples find it important to include the children in their new marriage. This can be done in a number of ways, from giving them roles in the ceremony to having them as bridesmaids and groomsmen. It’s also common to have a family unity ritual at the wedding, such as a sand ceremony where each family member pours colored sand into a glass container and then displays it in their home as a reminder of their new bond.
A lot of the etiquette advice you’ll read about second weddings will tell you to keep it small and intimate, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a big bash. Especially since many couples meet later in life when they’re getting married the second time, there’s often a lot of friends and family members that they want to invite. If you decide to have a larger wedding, it’s perfectly fine to do so, just make sure to give your guests the option of skipping the gift registry.
While some etiquette experts suggest that a second-time bride shouldn’t wear white or a veil, this is completely up to the couple and should be determined by their personal style. Similarly, there’s no reason why you can’t have a bridal party or escort down the aisle (even though if you had one in your first marriage you may have already decided to skip these traditions).
Make it your own
One of the best things about second weddings is that you have a chance to make it truly your own. You can choose to forgo some traditions, or you can add a twist to other traditions that feel right for this new chapter in your life together. For example, many couples who have been married once before might choose to write their own vows for this celebration. Writing your own vows allows you to put your unique stamp on the day and is a beautiful way to show your love for your fiance.
Another great way to make your second wedding feel like your own is by choosing a non-traditional venue. You can also opt for a different style of dress, or even go without a gown at all! And don’t be afraid to change up the music, too. You can choose a more modern playlist or opt for something that feels more in line with your personal tastes the second time around. Learn what to do with old wedding dress after divorce if you ever experience this or know someone who is dealing with it.
You can also choose to do a split ceremony with a reception. This is a popular option for second weddings because it gives you the chance to say your vows privately and enjoy a celebratory dinner with friends and family.
If you have children from your first marriage, it’s important to tell them about your upcoming nuptials well in advance of the big day. This will give them a chance to process the news and prepare for your new addition to the family. Also, you might want to consider asking for their input when it comes to deciding how formal your second wedding should be. They may have different ideas for the event and would be thrilled to celebrate with you again!
Keep it low-key
One of the most important things to keep in mind when planning a second wedding is that it doesn’t have to be identical to your first. Whether that means going big with a destination wedding or keeping it low-key with an intimate gathering in your backyard, you get to decide what your wedding looks like and how it will feel. It’s also perfectly fine to not invite anyone who attended your first wedding, or even if you don’t want to invite them at all, that is completely up to you.
Another great way to keep it low-key is to avoid any overly extravagant decor or overly formal details. You might find that your guests aren’t as interested in a long wedding ceremony or sit-down dinner, and it can be hard to maintain their interest after attending your first wedding. Instead, opt for a shorter reception, less formal attire and entertainment, and more personalized touches that reflect you and your partner.
If you have children from your previous marriages, consider including them in the day in ways that make sense for you and your new partner. This could be as simple as inviting them to a bridal shower or asking them to share readings during the ceremony. It’s also worth noting that if you aren’t on good terms with your ex-spouse’s parents you may need to be sensitive about how you approach them.
Finally, it’s a good idea to talk through your plans with your new fiance before sending out your invitations. It’s likely that he or she will have different ideas about how your day should be celebrated, and this is the perfect time to discuss it.
Make it fun
Planning a second wedding can be fun, exciting and memorable. While there are some etiquette rules to follow, you have more freedom and choice in how your big day will look. Whether you are going for a rustic farm wedding, destination getaway or want to celebrate at your favorite bar, there are so many ways to make it unique and personal.
For example, if you had kids at your first wedding and don’t want them to be included in this one, that’s fine. But if you have children now, they can be involved in the ceremony and reception by serving as flower girl or ring bearer, reading a piece of poetry or writing a toast. It is also important to let children make their own choices when it comes to how they will be dressed on the big day.
Similarly, if you had a bridal shower for your first wedding and don’t feel the need to repeat that ritual for this one, don’t. Instead, host a bachelorette party or other type of pre-wedding celebration that lets your friends and family know you are getting married but that this time it’s for real.
This is also a great opportunity to take a break from tradition and do things differently for your second wedding, such as wearing different color gowns or accessories. If you’re not into the idea of wearing a veil, try a bejeweled hair clip, tiara or floral crown. And if you’re not sure about wearing a white dress, opt for a tea-length skirt or a suit or tuxedo. It’s your wedding, after all, and it should be everything you want it to be!
